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new-indiana-jones-4-and-the-kingdom-of-the-crystal1 Having now seen Indiana Jones 4 I am finally free from looking forward to anything by George Lucas, hooray!

Indy 4 was terrible and at least as bad as The Phantom Menace. I’m not sure how it’s managed a score of 78% on Rotten Tomatoes as I write this, but I have to assume that will be lowered by time and careful reflection.

Here’s my ranty spoiler-filled list of things I can remember disliking:

  • Indy being a bumbly moron
  • Indy following around Dudey McMumbles for the whole movie going “what? what are you doing? what’s going on?”
  • Whipping out the Crystal Skull every other minute.
  • Indy surviving a nuclear event in a refrigerator?
  • The plot made no sense.
  • Indy throwing a big ridiculous sissy-fit over the snake in the quicksand. “Say grab the rope”?
  • No sense of urgency or danger. None of the characters took the danger very seriously so I didn’t.
  • Endless, tiresome exposition. Please, TELL ME MORE.
  • The one-liners were so weak. “I like Ike”?
  • Shia Tarzan
  • Indy dramatically picking up his hat like eight million times.
  • Why do the commies act exactly like Nazis?
  • Commie chick is psychic I guess? But she can’t read Indy’s mind? And also not Huxley’s? And also not Marion’s? And also can’t make a connection with the crystal skull? And also does nothing with her power throughout the entire movie?
  • Why did the evil commies break into a US government top secret storage facility to get an alien body? They just poked at it and went “oh we have several other of these”.
  • Triple agent Mack, tricking Indy any ol’ time he feels like it.
  • Indy trying to save Mack after he gets betrayed again?
  • Why did Indy get promoted to Dean?
  • Why did Indy and Marion get married?
  • Why are there karate ninjas hiding in every long-deserted ruin?
  • “[Their] word for gold translates as treasure. But their treasure wasn’t gold, it was knowledge. Knowledge was their treasure.” THANKS FOR CLEARING THAT UP. TWICE.

I guess it might be easier to list the stuff I liked:

  • Intro stuff with Indy was nice to see. Him teaching, reference to Marcus & his dad. :(..
  • Shia as Mutt was good actually and managed to have an occasional bit of chemistry with Indy.
  • I liked the big UFO ending, but it was set up so poorly and at the end of a really bad movie.


Posted on - May 27, 2008 [at] 10:55 pm by Brad
Tagged in - , ,

14 Comments on this post

buildingonfire on Free at last (Indy 4 was awful)
May 27, 2008 at 11:36 pm

I didn’t quite get the benevolent teacher aliens that are so grateful to the Russian chick for re-uniting them that they burn her brain from the inside with their hate-power.

I had kind of given up on the main plot at that point though so maybe it made sense and I just missed it.

Brad on Free at last (Indy 4 was awful)
May 27, 2008 at 11:39 pm


Adam! on Free at last (Indy 4 was awful)
May 28, 2008 at 1:14 am

Why must every Spielberg movie end with an alien ship taking off? I haven’t seen Schindler’s List, but I am forced to assume it ended that way.

At least they were fighting commies and not beat writers. Actually, that doesn’t sound half bad…

That all said (and I completely agree with your list), I shamefully enjoyed this movie. I think there’s something about hearing John William’s recycled orchestral themes that lulls me into some kind of nostalgic trance, neutralizing my critical thinking skills. I swear, the moment they broke into the Imperial March near the end of Attack of the Clones, I got a big stupid grin on my face and forgot that the last two hours had been a tortuous ordeal.

badcactus on Free at last (Indy 4 was awful)
May 28, 2008 at 3:58 am

I also agree with the list, and would like to add more things that sucked about the movie, but I don’t know where that list ends. I’m pretty sure I would use up all of Brad’s hosted storage.

BTW, Raiders of the Lost Ark — my favorite movie ever. I am not an Indy/Lucas/Spielberg hater. No. Wait. I do hate Lucas now that he’s destroyed nearly all of my childhood. Thanks, George! Hope those piles of cash are worth it! Dumbass.

Marshal Garner on Free at last (Indy 4 was awful)
May 28, 2008 at 10:18 am

I thought the whole first half (two thirds??) was fairly well done and enjoyable..then the turd plopped up to the surface and just bobbed around until the final credits…. .(flushing sound, turd sinks) what’s with the eats that don’t eat anything and don’t look like ants…can’t George Lucas make a movie for his kids to watch, and then make a REAL movie for the rest of the world who is fucking PAYING to see it.

George Lucas sucks. Spielberg needs to get him drunk at a pool party and “accidently” drown him in the deep end… .. .so maybe we can save some of our more fond memories of the movies he made.

Joe on Free at last (Indy 4 was awful)
May 28, 2008 at 8:56 pm

I wan’t all the drugs George Lucas is taking.

Marshal Garner on Free at last (Indy 4 was awful)
May 29, 2008 at 9:52 am

That was really funny Joe.

Austin on Free at last (Indy 4 was awful)
May 30, 2008 at 8:15 pm

:(i was so disappointed by this movie.
it would seem like spielberg has forgotten how to make a good indy movie over the past 19 years since the last crusade.

Could anyone tell me whats the deal with those prairie dog things, i had this idea through out the whole movie thinking they would do something important but they did not:(

Brad on Free at last (Indy 4 was awful)
May 30, 2008 at 8:19 pm

I’m sorry Austin but there might be _no_ deal with the praire dog things. :( I think they might have just put them in because they were “funny”.

G-Harp The Producer on Free at last (Indy 4 was awful)
June 2, 2008 at 7:54 pm

You really hated it Brad? I mean, I thought the aliens were a bit much but I thought it was a well done movie. I mean, I’m not even that big of an Indy fan. I’ll let you slide on this, but if you hated “Iron Man” you and I have a problem.

SexyJosh on Free at last (Indy 4 was awful)
June 10, 2008 at 7:26 pm

Finally watched the movie… was somewhat disappointed. A lot of it didn’t feel like the other Indy movies. Maybe they should just make the fifth one now because only the odd numbered movies were really good anyways.

Zuckerman on Free at last (Indy 4 was awful)
June 12, 2008 at 5:24 pm

Prairie dogs?! I thought it was a mole and I thought the “joke” at the opening — when they faded the paramount mountain into the mole — was… you guessed it… making a mountain out of a mole hill! Well, I actually thought they were being extra special clever and making a mole hill out of mountain… that’s when I attempted to kill myself by stuffing my head into a giant bag of popcorn… but failed miseraby.

But prairie dogs you say? I think I liked things better when they at least made sense… in a way that made me want to kill myself.

SenatorPalpatine on Free at last (Indy 4 was awful)
June 18, 2008 at 1:28 am

I completely agree with you here Brad. That movie completely nuked the fridge.

Damn George Lucas.

carl best on Free at last (Indy 4 was awful)
June 26, 2008 at 7:48 pm

praire dogs, i think that was Lucas giving the interns at sky walker ranch something to do! this film was a shovel of cgi crap!

i believe john hurts line sums the movie up at the end..

Comments are closed on this post.